My good friend Frankie died yesterday. I actually never met the man but felt a kind of kinship with him nonetheless. Because I related to him on a deep, symbolic level I guess. Frankie was an inspiring model as he struggled with himself, fought against corruption in his world, endured the ghost of doubt and finally unearthed the strength and confidence that was his birthright.
Let me take a few steps back and get all philosophical on you and tell you why I related to Frankie. Perhaps you will too:
Sometimes life beats you down. People beat you down. Then you beat back at them and they beat back at you. And when you start beating on yourself it's all a bust. So for a spell you just walk away or, more accurately, you just dropout. Literally or symbolically. Cause it just ain’t worth it. Like a boxer laying bloody and groggy down on the mat actually relieved to take the 10 count- knowing that the physical pain of taking one more blow far outweighs the emotional sting of losing.
And then you are a Loser. A Loser like Frankie.
And when you drop out you wonder if the promise of walking down some happy path you'd always envisioned still remains. You wonder if it was you who got off the path or if the path just ended. If the path just let you down. Maybe it was laid with sturdy bricks at the start and proceeded through an ornate gate- but then it turned to gravel and then to dirt and then to nothing. And the farther you go the more you're alone. Alone in nothing but the woods. You are Lost.
Frankie was Lost. And Frankie was a Loser. And the same is true of me and perhaps you at times.
It’s curious how these two words, branches of the same tree, have entirely different connotations. ‘Lost’ evoking pity and helplessness. ‘Loser’ evoking derision and dismissal. Either you walked off your path or your path just stopped on you. We've got a word for both- each a kind of endpoint. What's intriguing is to beckon them back home together.
Thus, one of my favorite quotes of all time was delivered by the character Lester Burnham (played by Kevin Spacey) in the movie 'American Beauty'. In his forties and living a miserable, derailed, disconnected life he opens the movie with the line:
‘Most people would call me a loser. And in a way I am a loser- because there’s something I’ve lost.’
I've always thought this quote conveyed THE perfect mindset for a journey of personal renaissance. No helplessness. No derision. Just recognition. Just motivation. To recognize yourself as a ‘Loser’ is a powerful step because it means there’s something you value that you want to reconnect with. And in many ways we are all losers. Take the Buddha for instance- he was a total loser and he always made sure he stayed that way.
To end the suspense, my friend ‘Frankie’ was the character played by Paul Newman in the movie The Verdict. Frankie is a divorced, alcoholic lawyer- out of work save for ambulance chasing- who’s been given a seemingly easy legal case to try regarding a negligent death at a hospital.
Frankie grapples with his drinking, makes logistical blunders, loses his temper and pisses off the judge and must contend with the shifty maneuvers of the large prestigious law firm representing the other side. Not knowing that he's also being spied upon...
But, offended by his adversaries, and spurred on by a good cause he keeps putting one foot in front of the other- even when his case suddenly falls apart- and then finally demolishes the other side by ingeniously proving its negligence and winning millions of dollars for the victim’s impoverished sister.
In this process- this actual trial that became a trial of the self- Frankie reconnects with his desire to do what's right and fair and realizes that abandoning these values probably contributed to his decline in life. Frankie wasn’t really able to simply ‘change’ before the court case. But as he took on the battle he realized he was a 'loser' and set out to get back what he lost. Creating his own path out of the woods you might say.
Paul Newman died yesterday. Though many other roles of his come to mind, I will most associate him with ‘Frankie’ and be grateful to him for how well he played the character and how he inspired- and grateful for all the 'paths in the woods' he left for us.
He was a good man who lived a good life and gave so much both creatively and monetarily. Funny that I grew up in the town next to his but, unlike most, I never caught a glimpse of him buying milk or waiting at a red light or walking his dog. Wish I did. My loss.
Bye Frankie. And thanks.
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